09 July 2008

Stop that Bike! It's Kidnapping Boss Lady!

I don’t like bikes. Never have. When we’re hiking at Pine Hill Park and a bike comes up behind us suddenly, Boss Lady has to get me off the trail and into a down immediately. If she doesn’t, I bark and even lunge at the bike. She figures that I get startled by how quickly they appear and/or I want to chase them because they’re moving quickly. Honestly, I just don’t like bikes. So, when I heard Boss Lady puttering around outside this morning, and I looked out the window to discover her being kidnapped by a bike, I quickly sounded the alarm. Had she called for my help or seemed a little less in control of the situation, I would have gone right through the window to save her. I wasn’t about to let some evil bike steal her away. Who knows what it would do to her.

Recognizing how distraught I was, Boss Lady came in the house and explained things to me. A bike, she said, is just like a car. It lets you go places quickly and takes you on grand adventures. It doesn’t look like a car to me. Well, it is, she assured me. And then she brought me outside to meet the bike. I didn’t want to go too near it, never can tell what sort of behavior it might exhibit. I was more than a little worried when it started to kidnap her again, but at least I was right there to protect her. She told me she was going to let it kidnap her, and I was supposed to run along beside her. I have to tell you, I wasn’t so sure of her plan, but I could tell I wasn’t going to talk her out of it.

Off we went, down to the flat swamp road below our house. She said it was an ideal place to practice our plan because it was flat, little traveled, and is very grassy along the side. Apparently the grass is for my benefit. I had a little trouble figuring out exactly what my job was. It seemed much too simple that I was only supposed to run along side. Surely I was supposed to bite the tires every few minutes to remind the bike not to try anything funny. And, surely, I was supposed to get in front of the bike to tell it to stop when we needed to stop. No. Boss Lady told me very clearly that I was not supposed to do either of those things. I was only supposed to run along side the bike. Once I figured that out, things went fairly smoothly. I trotted right along and even got up to a real run. It was much harder than I expected. Takes a lot of energy out of a dog trying to keep up with a bike. Fortunately, we didn’t go very far. Probably not even a mile. Then we went home, and Boss Lady put away the bike.

I am informed that we will be regularly practicing this whole biking thing until I am quite comfortable with it. At which point, Boss Lady plans to employ it as an effective exercise method for me. All I have to say is that bike better behave itself, or I’ll tear it apart. I won’t allow it to kidnap my Boss Lady

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