02 January 2009

The Secret Ingredient

In almost all my activities there are special actions I must take to ensure that the activity will occur as I want it to. Boss Lady denies that my special actions have any bearing on the outcome, but I know better. For instance, when riding in the car to a destination, I must whine the entire time. If I don't whine, we won't get there. I don't care what you say, I know it's true. When receiving scritches, I must drape one foot over your hand, arm, leg, whatever. If I don't, it is not possible for you to scritch me. No, I don't know why this is true, I simply know it to be true. When we're playing fetch in the house, I must touch Mr. Green to your toes 4 times, otherwise you won't be able to throw him again. I'm pretty sure there's some kind of lever or sensor or something in your toe that makes your hand work after it has been touched 4 times. Most importantly, when it is supper time, I must spin in a circle at least 3 times while you're carrying the food from the closet to the kitchen. If I were to only spin twice, you wouldn't be able to get to the kitchen. I think you would probably enter some weird alternative dimension where dog food doesn't exist and there is never supper time. You would probably drag me along with you, too. Hence the need for me to spin at least 3 times.

Boss Lady, if you persist in questioning my habits, I may be forced to pull a Busch's Baked Beans sequence. You've seen the commercials, right? With the golden retriever who is forever trying to give away the secret to Busch's Baked Beans. Well, I'd be mighty tempted to give away the secret recipe for the famous Chocolate Chip Cookies.


Tammy said...

Colyn has obsessive-compulsive disorder. He could also possibly be Rain Dog. ;)

Stargirl said...

All dogs know that there are special actions that influence their owners' decisions. What, this is in question???

Josie, secret agent dog