25 October 2008

The End of a Friendship

Last night while Boss Lady was busy interwebbing in the toasty warm living room, I was busy attempting to stave off the boredom that has crept upon me whilst Boss Lady was busy having fun without me (see: Trip to Burlington that Did Not Involve A Dog.) In other words, I was chewing. Consistent with my recently earned title of Very Good Boy, I was chewing on one of my specifically designated toys, Spinner, rather than the yummy looking coffee table. Now, I’m not sure I’ve formally introduced Spinner.

Spinner meet Loyal Readers. Loyal Readers meet Spinner.

Spinner has been with me for the better part of 4 years. Spinner is one of the few toys that I consistently enjoy without managing to actually destroy it or becoming dangerously possessive of it. Spinner is also one of the (very) few toys that can serve multiple purposes. Spinner’s primary roll is that of a chew toy. And a fine chew toy it is. However, due to it’s rubbery sproinginess, Spinner can also be called upon to perform heroically as a throw toy. Boss Lady can throw it for me to chase, or I can throw it at Boss Lady to demand her attention. In contrast, Mr. Green is only good for throwing. A Broken Mr. Green is good for popping, but popping can hardly be considered chewing. Mr. Green simply does not hold up to chewing. Bone, on the other hand, provides wonderful chewing, though he is sadly inequipped for throwing. Even the mere dropping of Bone raises worried cries from Boss Lady. Based on these unique qualities, Spinner and I have an unmatched relationship.

Sadly, Boss Lady has recently noticed that my constant and unflagging attention to Spinner is taking it’s toll on Spinner. You might have noticed that one end of Spinner looks distinctly destructed. Last night help, either.

So, there I was, contently stretched out across the living room floor, studiously gnawing on Spinner when I felt the need to pause and give Spinner some gentler attention. I started licking Spinner. Boss Lady noticed and wondered aloud exactly what was I doing. Why was I licking Spinner? No sooner had she posed the question, then I began gnawing even more fiercely than before. I was quite actively attempting to finish removing that destructed end so as to slide off all those spinning sections.

Boss Lady wondered aloud again. “Colyn, why are you working so hard to destroy Poor Spinner? What has he ever done to you to deserve such ferociousness? Nothing. That’s what he’s done to you. Absolutely Nothing. Quite the opposite, really. He’s been naught but a wonderfully loyal friend. He has stood by you for 4 years and all you do is destruct him. It really isn’t very nice. What are you going to do when you have finally succeeded in destructing Spinner? You know I haven’t been able to find a replacement Spinner for you.” Duly chastened, I set aside Spinner for a few moments. I think I might have to contemplate the best way to go about the ending of this fine friendship.

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