Boss Lady's Mother was petting me the other day. She was scritching under my chin, and around my ears, and on my butt. Butt scritches are the best. She was just scritching away, and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. Until I heard Boss Lady's Mother exclaim about the amount of hair falling off my furry body. She was covered in hair that moments before had been covering me. She stopped scritching me so she could scrape all the hair of herself. With my wonderful massage seemingly finished, I shook myself out, releasing puffs of hair into the air as if someone had just blown 3 year's worth of dust off a shelf. Boss Lady's Mother was appalled. She'd just vacuumed the house and didn't want all my hair dirtying it up again. How on earth was she going to keep the hair off the floor? She lit upon the great idea of vacuuming the hair straight off my body. Why bother to wait for it to fall to floor, she figured, when she could just suck it off me and save a step.
Moments later I found myself stationed in the middle of the living room, while Boss Lady's Mother worked me over with the Dyson and Boss Lady snapped pictures for evidence, I allowed myself to be groomed with a small appliance.
At first, I rather enjoyed it. It was kind of like being brushed.
I enjoyed it less when she started vacuuming against my fur. My fur grows in that direction for a reason.
You know, I think I'm getting kind of tired of this game. Are you done yet?
When Boss Lady's Mother finally gave up, she looked at the dirt canister and found that it was almost full with dog hair. She couldn't believe how much fur she'd vacuumed off me. I stepped away from the vacuum and gave myself a good shake to get everything back in place. She was appalled by how much hair puffed up into the air. So much for vacuuming all the loose hair off me.
Boss Lady now has another million dollar invention: a dog brush vacuum attachment. She envisions your standard dog brush, except it has a hollow handle. The handle then attaches to the vacuum so that the hair is sucked up as you brush the dog.