09 September 2008

Revenge Is Sweet


I Get My Due

So much for grand adventures today. The thunderstorm with pouring rain awoke the Boss Lady round about 7:30 this morning. She managed to pull her semi-conscious self out of bed to close all the windows, and then she collapsed back into sweet dreams. She did not again drag herself out of bed until nearly 10:00am. It was still pouring rain. We don’t have grand adventures in the rain. We don’t even have mini-adventures in the rain. So much for her plans for day-off grand adventuring.

Boss Lady put the rainy day to good work doing dishes, trying (and failing) to set up internet on the desktop PC, and baking chocolate filled dinner rolls. Round about noon, when there was a lessening in the rain, Boss Lady decided it was time for me to go out. She snapped on my leash and dragged me out the door. I gingerly stepped onto the grass and piddled. Boss Lady looked at me and suggested I Business (poo). I told her I didn’t need to. She didn’t believe me, but also took note that I was not giving any of my normal need-to-poo-but-don’t-want-to-do-it-in-the-rain signals. She realized that perhaps I really didn’t need to go, considering that I did get my breakfast a little bit late.

Late? LATE?! How about never! I did not get any breakfast this morning. None. Breakfast is served in the morning. Boss Lady wasted the entire morning sleeping. Did she think about me? No. Did she consider my starving, grumbling stomach? No. Did it occur to her that my contract requires breakfast at a regularly scheduled time? Definitely not.

*Boss Lady* “Hey! I fed you. Don’t go telling nasty lies about me withholding your rations.”

Ok, so I received an early lunch. It wasn’t breakfast, that’s for sure.

*Boss Lady* “Just don’t forget to mention that you don’t normally get any lunch at all.”

Yes, well, I’ll let my loyal readers decide what to think about you. Back to the story at hand. We were outside, I did not need to business, so we returned inside.

A little while later I stunk up the kitchen. My odour overpowered the wonderful smells of baking bread and baking chocolate. Boss Lady looked at me and decided we needed to go out again. She snapped on my leash and dragged me out the door again. I tiptoed onto a corner of the grass and piddled. She dragged me over under the big maple tree and instructed me to business. I explained that I didn’t feel the need. Boss Lady replied, “Try anyway.” I don’t know why she seems to think she knows everything about my bodily functions, but I informed her I wasn’t going to business. To which she said,

“Fine. Just remember that I don’t have to go anywhere today. I don’t have to go to work. I don’t have to transport kittens. I don’t have to run errands. I can stand here waiting for you to business all day. And the rain? Doesn’t bother me at all. It’s actually the perfect temperature for playing in the rain. Besides, if I get soaked, I can go inside and change. So, either you can business quickly and we’ll go back inside before you get too wet, or we can stand here all day. It’s your choice, but if you really want to stay dry, you’d better choose the first option.”

That little speech sounded awfully familiar to me. I scrinched my eyes tightly shut against the rain and thought about it. Then I remembered our little discussion regarding cream cheese bagels the other morning. I remembered that Boss Lady ended up giving me half her bagel that morning. As I stood there fondly recalling the gourmet flavor of that cream cheese, a particularly large rain drop landed right in my ear. I wandered a couple feet over, nonchalantly sniffed the grass, and businessed. After all, there wasn’t any sense in standing in the rain all day when there were yummy chocolate filled dinner rolls to beg for.

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