Is This What You Meant?

I took Boss Lady's comments seriously the other night when she told me that I needed to do a better job as guard dog. As you'll recall, she was concerned that I was not fulfilling all my roles and responsibilities as guard dog. I wasn't greeting her at the door. I wasn't announcing the arrival of guests. I generally wasn't guarding the place.

To prove to her that I am fulfilling my dogly duties, I spent this week guarding the house. I barked at the people walking on the sidewalk in front of the house. I growled at the kids being vomited from that big yellow bus. I threatened to go through the window and attack the neighbor's dog that accidentally got loose and wandered into our yard. I greeted all humans at the door, and even remembered to bring Bone and drop it on their feet.

As reward for the perfect execution of my responsibilities, I was banned from the festivities on Thanksgiving. No scritches and scratches from friendly guests for me. No accidentally or otherwise dropped food on the floor. No opportunities to impress with my expanded repetoire of tricks. Nope. I was unceremoniously gated first in the living room, and then in the front hall. At all times within sight and sound of all the festivities, but not actually involved.

Supposedly this was not a punishment. Supposedly this had nothing to do with how well I did, or didn't, perform as guard dog. Supposedly this was simply because an 11 year old 2nd cousin was one of the welcomed guests, and I don't generally get on well with 11 year olds, be they 2nd cousins or not. Supposedly, as a dog, I don't have a memory long enough to hold a grudge. Supposedly, my tail.

So, when C and her boyfriend arrived later Thanksgiving evening, I made sure to threaten each of them as they came through the door. And when C arrived again this afternoon, I made double sure to bark ferociously, jump all over the door, and refuse her entry until Boss Lady came out and called me off. We can't be letting strangers who could be axe murders into the house after all. And when Boss Lady arrives home from work next time, you can be sure I will enthusiastically greet her at the door and I will be sure not to drop Bone on her toes until after she's been able to take off her shoes.