Early this week, the humans brought home a frozen 20 pound turkey. They didn't say so, but I knew they got it for me. They really are devoted to me. The turkey sat around on the counter for awhile so it could thaw. I also saw it in the fridge every time they opened the door. Yesterday morning it was stuffed full of something yummy smelling and shoved in the oven. I couldn't believe how thoughtful my humans were being. I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into that bird. After many days of waiting (they claim it was only a few hours, but I know better) my turkey was finally removed from the oven. I was so eager I was drooling. I backed up so they could put it on the floor, but instead they put it on the counter. I was about to complain, but then they explained that they wanted to let it cool off a little bit. I'm telling you, these people are just the greatest. They even made sure I didn't burn my mouth. I have to tell you, though, it was extremely difficult to contain myself while the turkey cooled. I think I created a small puddle of drool while I was waiting. Finally, they deemed the turkey cool enough for consumption. Again, I made sure there was plenty of space on the floor for my turkey. But, they weren't ready to give it to me yet. First they wanted to carve it into neat little pieces. I don't know why. I certainly didn't need it cut up, my teeth work just fine. In recognition of their kindness, I continued to wait for my reward. I waited and waited and waited. I watched as all the nicely carved meat was neatly placed on a platter. I began to wonder if they had forgotten why they got the turkey. I don't eat off a platter, I eat out of a stainless steel bowl. Then I thought maybe they were going to give me a special platter to go with my special meal. Of course, that's exactly what they were doing. I would have to think of something really terrific to do to reward them. Finally, the turkey was all carved. I stood up to signal my readiness for dinner. And then I watched in utter astonishment as they carried my turkey to the table. They all sat down and started eating.
Wait a minute! Where's my turkey?! I waited so patiently. Surely you didn't forget about me? I'm the dog; how could anyone forget about me? I sat politely; no response. I downed on the rug; still no response. I gave them my best sad puppy dog eyes; nothing. I whined pathetically; that elicited a quick reprimand. Then I started thinking. I thought and thought and thought. Just one word was running through my mind: TURKEY! I was going to get some of that bird no matter what. I just needed to bend their minds to mine. I watched the turkey platter go around the table, I awaited the perfect moment. I needed the turkey to be in the only perfectly accessible place and then I would strike. When the turkey reached the end of the table near me I knew it was time to strike. The platter was balanced in mid-air, passing from one set of human hands to the next. I flung waves of thoughts at the humans: drop the platter, drop the platter, drop the platter. I could tell it was working. The platter started to dip towards the floor, then it was actually tipping. I shot my strongest thought waves and the platter actually fell! All the turkey spilled. I had done it! The turkey was mine! Oh, the excitement, the satisfaction, the power of a doggie mind. I was going to eat all that turkey. It was going to be so good.
Unfortunately, I stopped sending my thought waves a second too soon. One of the humans grabbed for the turkey and managed to actually save all of it. The platter landed on the table, and only a couple of the tiniest scraps ended up on the floor. And even those were snatched out of my reach when another human threw her body in front of me and grabbed those scraps. I was left to sadly watch as my turkey platter continued to make it's way around the table. *sigh* Maybe next year my plan will work better.